ADHD and Self-Acceptance
Listen to my appearance on Attention Talk Radio on Spotify here.
For engineering managers, directors & VPs of engineering Everyone brings their problems to you.
Everyone brings their problems to you.
You've got nowhere to take yours.
You're the one everyone leans on — carrying the team, the pressure, and the decisions you can't fully talk through with anyone: not your team, not your manager, not your peers.
You don't have to carry it alone.
You know the feeling, even if you've never said it out loud.
You're carrying a lot — more than shows up in any status update. A dozen calls that are yours to make, a few you keep putting off, and no good place to think them through.
Underneath it, the quiet commentary no one else hears:
"If I stop holding it together, what happens?"
"I can't take this to my team. Or my manager. Or, honestly, anyone."
"I'll feel better after the next milestone." (You said that about the last three.)
It shows up in the specifics:
- The decision you keep moving to next week.
- The 1:1 you keep rehearsing but not having.
- The tradeoff where every option disappoints someone — and it still lands on you.
And underneath the indecision, the fear you'd never say out loud: being wrong in front of everyone, letting down the people counting on you.
So you do what's always worked: hold it together, think harder, push harder. Alone.
How I think about the work I do
The weight you carry is invisible
Most of what you're carrying, no one assigned — and no one sees. Underneath it is something you'd never say out loud: the fear of being wrong, of letting people down. So you carry more, quietly.
More optimization won't fix it
Another framework. Another routine. "I just need to be more disciplined." Under enough pressure, the goal quietly becomes fix yourself — and the call you actually need to make still doesn't get made.
You can't think it through alone
The higher you go, the fewer people you can be honest with — not your team, not your manager, not your peers. So the decision just circles, at 2am.
The next milestone won't answer it
You've hit the targets before. They moved the feeling for about a week. The quieter question — is this still mine? — won't be answered by one more.
What changes when you're not carrying it alone
The pressure doesn't vanish — but once you're not carrying it alone, it stops running the show. You start making the calls you've been circling — trusting your own read instead of waiting for certainty — and leading from somewhere steadier than "push harder," in a way your team can feel.
In their words
After 20 years at one company, I changed jobs and suddenly felt lost. Impostor syndrome set in, and without a clear direction I doubted myself. Working with Michael, I recovered my confidence and learned to lead by outcomes instead of staying stuck in indecision and fear. He helped me get clear on what mattered and handle the situations I used to avoid. I'm more grounded, more focused, and more sure of the value I bring.
Michael has an innate ability to create a safe, supportive space where you feel completely heard and understood, making it possible to unpack complex professional challenges and navigate periods of burnout or shaken confidence. … Michael doesn't just help you navigate a job; he empowers you to reclaim your confidence and balance.
About Michael
Seven years as a software engineer. Nine years as an engineering manager.
Now a coach and writer, working privately with technical leaders on the harder questions — the ones that don't show up in performance reviews.
I also write The ADHD Engineer, a separate weekly newsletter for software engineers tired of being at war with themselves at work.
Based in Toronto.
Vibe Check Roundtables
Not networking. Not productivity. Something human.
A monthly gathering I host as part of my practice. Once a month, a small group of senior engineers and engineering leaders meet online for thirty minutes of real conversation. 8–12 people. No agenda, no advice overload, no career posturing. A short opening prompt, guided conversation, one thing to carry with you. Cameras optional. Free to attend.
The weekly reflection
Monday mornings, something short to sit with.
Not advice or a framework, but a question, and some room to think it through yourself.
Each week: a situation you'll recognise as a technical leader, a few questions to sit with, and a reframe. No fix, no homework — a moment to slow down and notice what's actually going on. Now and then, a longer piece when a topic deserves the room.
Featured appearances
Conversations on engineering leadership, ADHD, burnout, career identity, and the human side of tech.
Engineering Management, Burnout and Finding Purpose
Listen to my appearance on Dev Leader on Spotify here.
Coding Bootcamps, Burnout, and the Hard Truth about Breaking Into Tech
Listen to my interview on the Develop Yourself podcast here.
One last thing.
If anything here read as recognition rather than diagnosis, here are two ways in: a conversation when you're ready, or a short reflection in your inbox each Monday.