Not advice or a framework, but a question, and some room to think it through yourself.
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The laptop's shut off. You're not.
The laptop’s closed. You’re at dinner. Someone’s halfway through a story and you’ve lost the thread, because part of you is still rerunning the 1:1 from this afternoon. A tech lead put it to me this way: I know what I should do. Live my life. But my mind is still connected to that laptop.
Telling yourself to stop doesn’t take. So the evening goes to the replaying of the day, and the people in front of you get what’s left. Some nights it even follows you to bed.
It’s easy to read this as simply a brain that doesn’t know how to rest. But underneath, there’s usually a belief keeping it running.
A few questions to ponder:
The reframe: The mind stays on the laptop not only because the work is unfinished. Telling it to stop doesn’t work. What might: getting curious about what it thinks it’s guarding, and what that’s actually costing you.
You keep waiting to feel sure before you start, and the fog never lifts on its own. A reflection for engineers and leaders on why clarity comes from moving.
After a reorg or a promotion, the pressure to keep showing you're worth keeping comes back every sprint. A reflection for engineers and leaders on why your output was never going to make you feel safe.
The calm you keep promising yourself after the next milestone stays one step ahead. A reflection for engineering leaders on why the relief you're chasing was never waiting at the next rung.
For engineers who took pride in being the one with the answer, not knowing can feel like exposure. A reflection on leading when the answers aren't knowable yet.
You've reopened the same call five times, and the stakes keep climbing. A reflection on what you're really waiting for, and the cost of holding a decision open.
When a topic deserves more room than a weekly reflection, I write it up here.
What shows up once the bills are covered.
The problem with trying harder
What I learned from fish in the dark
Tech leaders don't get a clear yes
And the relief of finally putting it down
Your side project is not a referendum on who you are
You’re not surrounded by fools — it’s the curse of knowledge.
Why I stopped filling every awkward pause
Impact, influence, impression — what promotions actually reward.
What bothers you most is exactly what makes you valuable
What if the growth you’re chasing isn’t taking you where you think?
Something to hold onto when the ground shifts under you.
A working model How I think about self-worth and work: the four things that make a goal heavy, the two questions underneath, and five leaders who worked through it.
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Monday mornings, a short reflection to sit with: a question, and room to think it through yourself. And an occasional longer piece, when a topic deserves the room.
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